Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore
by Isabella Monroe
Summary: This story is companion piece to my main story Blood Sugar Sex Magik.  It picks up where the other one shot, Beautiful Disaster, left off.  However, even if you haven't read those stories it will stand alone.


**This story is a one shot companion piece to my main story Blood Sugar Sex Magik. It picks up where the other one shot, Beautiful Disaster, left off. However, even if you haven't read those stories it will stand alone. This story picks up immediately after Anders and Hawke share their first kiss. Enjoy!**

**Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore**

"I tell myself that I can't hold out forever, I said there is no reason for my fear

'Cause I feel so secure when we're together, you give my life direction

You make everything so clear, and even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the window, on a cold, dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shore, and throw away the oars, forever

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

_Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore by REO Speedwagon_

Anders watched her leave his clinic, both his mind and heart were racing. He couldn't believe that he had finally caved into her, that he had finally surrendered to his hunger, his need and forbidden love for her. Justice was screaming in his head about what a horrible disaster this was and that only pain would come of it if he continued down this path. Justice argued unwaveringly that Anders could not go to Mari, that he had to put this incident behind them, and that she would be their undoing if he pursued this. For the first time in years, Anders ignored the spirit and he thought about Mari.

He had been in love with her ever since she had helped him with Karl. She had not judged him about Justice; instead she had made a flippant remark about the spirit choosing such a handsome host. Over time she had become a treasured friend, but he had silently loved her ever since that night in the Chantry. She could make him feel like he was on top of the world with just a smile, make him feel special with the smallest word, and have him almost completely undone with the slightest touch.

He looked around the clinic and thought about all of the times that she had visited him here. All of those late nights she had stopped by saying she just wanted to check in with him, but she would end up staying for hours talking, joking and mercilessly teasing and taunting him. There were many times that his resolve had come so close to breaking and would have if it hadn't been for her infamous lack of patience and unwillingness to truly push the boundaries of their friendship.

He remembered the night that he told her that if they had met a year earlier they could have had a real chance at something special. What he didn't say was that if he was even close to being the man he had once been that he would have ravished her so completely and thoroughly the first night he met her that she wouldn't be able to walk straight for a week. The thought of having her so completely made him smile and he felt his groin tighten, but as much as he wanted to be completely uninhabited with her, he knew that he wouldn't be able to go down that path. It would take a great deal of mental fortitude to keep Justice at bay tonight, but he refused to allow the spirit to intrude on this aspect of his life.

From the first moment that he met her, Anders knew that Mari was a helpless flirt; it was a part of her charm that put people immediately at ease around her. Even when someone rebuffed her lighthearted advances she would always let it roll off of her; with the exception of that one time that he saw true pain in her eyes when he told her that he couldn't be with her, that he would only break her heart. He saw the sorrow and regret ripple across her face and he immediately regretted what he had said and wanted to take it back. Justice had reminded him that this was for the best, but his words fell on deaf ears. He had watched her quickly compose herself and he thought that she had been about to reply, but then she had gathered her things and quickly said good night.

After that night she hadn't stopped by for almost a month; part of him ached to see her, to hear her laughter and flirtatious banter, but the other part of him, the spirit part of him was glad about her absence. Even though he knew that it would have been best if they had permanently parted ways, his heart soared when she walked into his clinic and asked him to accompany her to Sundermount to return an amulet to the Dalish and on that trip it didn't take long before she was shamelessly flirting with him again, driving him to point of madness and at the same time completely making him powerless to walk away from her.

His yearning for her only intensified when they had come back from the Deep Roads and for the past three years he laid awake every night aching to hold her, touch her, to lose himself in her; like a drug, he was addicted to her and the way she made him feel. When she wasn't with him she flooded his thoughts and inundated his scenes to the point that he couldn't sleep or eat. When he was with her, she made him feel whole, she made him feel that he was fun, that he was free and alive and when they parted he could only think about being with her again. Even though he tortured himself by being with her, by being near her, he still fought not to give in to his burning desire for her…not for his sake, but hers.

He made his way to the Hanged Man to get a room and clean up before he went to see Mari and his thoughts reflected what he knew was the incident that had finally broken his resolve. They had made camp in the foothills of Sundermount. After camp had been set up, Anders went into the woods to look for herbs that he needed for various potions. He was making his way back to camp when he heard a beautiful voice singing nearby. He had followed the song until he had come to a clearing with a large pond. The air had immediately been sucked from his lungs, Mari stood thigh deep in the pond completely naked. He was paralyzed, completely captivated by her magnificent body. His breath came in short pants as he watched her hands glide over her bare body as she washed off the dirt and blood, as the water rolled down her back and over her tantalizing backside. He was in awe of her perfectly curved hips, her delectably cinched waist…she was perfection in every way. His groin began to ache with the desire that he had suppressed for so long.

She continued to sing to herself as she waded further into the pond; she leaned onto her back and began to stroke her arms gently backwards, she effortlessly glided around the pond as her taut breasts moved up and down in the water. Maker he wanted to take her in his mouth and feast on every inch of her body. He leaned against a nearby tree and briefly closed his eyes as he tried to shake off the overwhelming hunger to take her.

"I taste even better than I look," Mari purred. He eyes shot open and she was slowly walking out of the pond. The water was cascading off of her as she advanced toward him. A droplet clung to her peaked nipple and he had to fight the crushing need to suck the water bead off.

"I'm s-sure you do," he moaned through clinched teeth as his breath hitched in his throat.

"Don't you want to taste, Anders," Mari cooed.

"Maker, you have no idea how much I want you, Mari…but I can't do this," Anders groaned. His eyes moved from her breast to her beautiful face. He saw that her face registered the pained look that had to have been on his. If she had leaned into him and pressed her naked succulent body into his, he would have no longer been able to fight his longing for her and would have taken her right there, but she didn't. She let out a resigned sigh and then she slowly almost agonizingly got dressed. He was mesmerized by her every movement and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. Justice was yelling at him to run, but he was frozen in place; unable to think of anything except how incredible her body was and gracefully she moved.

Once she had dressed completely she leaned against his chest and whispered, "You're obsessed Anders, I know you can't eat, or sleep and that you can't get me out of your mind no matter how hard you try. I know you hunger and yearn to have me. I know this because I feel the exact same way about you. Please Anders, please put us both out of our misery."

Once she had left the clearing, Anders groaned in frustration, he bent forward to place his head between his legs as he tried to stop the spinning and catch his breath. Her words had slammed into him as if she had punched him. He couldn't believe that she could possibly feel what he was feeling for her. It boggled the mind. He also didn't know how much longer he would be able to resist her. That night and every night since then he thought about the way she looked as the water cascaded off of her perfect breast, the look of her smooth tanned skin, and the dark silky curls between her legs that he longed to plunge into.

Now as he stood outside her estate in the shadows, he hesitated about moving forward. His heart was pounding in his chest and he was having trouble controlling his breath. He knew once he went to her, once he had her, that there would be no turning back for him. He desperately loved her; he yearned uncontrollably for her. However not truly knowing what he would be giving up he could still walk away from her, his desire unsated, but his free will still intact. Yet he knew that once he truly tasted her, loved her and gave her his all, there would be no turning back for him. Justice screamed in his brain for him to run. That she was a distraction and she would be their undoing. Anders thought about how wonderful she had felt in his arms, how supple and soft she felt pressed against him, her sweet scent that wafted up, saturating his scenes and the feel of her velvety tongue as it entered his mouth and danced with his. Her words echoed in his ears and his heart fluttered with joy and hope, 'You are my every want, my every need, my every desire.'

Like a steel gate coming down, Anders closed off the voice of Justice as he made his way toward her home.

Anders stood in the doorway watching her for a moment as she stood in front of the fire. She was so beautiful; it amazed him that she wanted to be with him – a possessed, renegade apostate who was only half the man that he had once been, but she had stirred a longing and hunger in him the likes of which he had never felt before and tonight he was going to give her all that he had to give.

She heard him as he entered the room; she turned and smiled at him. "You're here. I was beginning to think you changed your mind."

Keeping the shield between him and Justice firmly in place, he returned her smile, "Justice doesn't approve of my obsession with you. He believes you are a distraction and ever since you left the clinic he has been trying to convince me to walk away from you. I however completely disagree with him on this point. You are what I need Mari, to make me feel whole, complete and sane."

She stepped towards him, he could see her breath had quickened, she ran her fingers along his cheek to his lips and his body trembled at her touch. "Anders, I'm glad you are here and that followed your desires, not Justice's."

He lightly pressed his lips to her fingers before he gently pulled them into his mouth as he eagerly tasted her, enjoying the smile that it brought to her face. He pulled her to him as his arms encircled her waist, "In the circle love was only a game, it gave the templars too much power if there was something that they could hold over you, something they could use to control you, something you couldn't stand to lose." He rested his lips on her forehead and breathed in her intoxicating scent. "It would kill me to lose you, Mari."

She tilted her head to the side and he felt her lips brush side of his neck as she whispered, "I'm here, Anders. I'm not going anywhere…ever." She swirled her tongue along the curve of his neck, his head began to spin with desire and his yearning for her grew even stronger between his legs.

He brought his hand up to gently and cupped her face; he pulled back and looked into her sparkling blue eyes, "No mage I know has ever dared to fall in love. I have been fighting this for so long because I feared for you, but I can't fight it or you anymore, Mari, and this is the rule that I will most cherish breaking."

He pulled her back to him and brought his lips to hers. A hot burning sensation raged through him as his tongue slipped into her mouth and her soft velvety tongue intertwined with his, a low moan escaped from her lips and he felt a surge of lust between his legs. His hands wrapped around her back and he quickly undid the laces of her dress, he gently pushed it off of her shoulders and it fell to the floor. It pleased him to no end that she wasn't wearing any small clothes as his hand slide up her side to cup her un-obscured breast he sighed, "I like the way you think."

"I come prepared," she sighed just before her lips captured his again and he lost himself in taste of her.

His lips broke from hers as his lips and tongue kissed and licked their way down her neck. The sound of her erratic breathing, the way her body reacted to his touch, excited and thrilled him beyond control. His tongue laved at her nipple as his teeth grazed the delicate skin forcing another moan to escape her lips. Her hands began to quickly undo his robes, when his skin was exposed her cool hand ran up his torso to his chest. "Even more beautiful then I imagined," she cooed.

He pulled back from her and looked at her amusingly. "You fantasized about me?" He asked.

She gave him a wicked grin, "Yes, you have no idea how often."

"Oh, I believe I do," Anders groaned as she pushed his robes off and swiftly undid his trousers. Her touch was soft and gentle touch her fingers grazed his now throbbing member and his hips involuntarily bucked. She grasped his hand and backed up toward the bed. She sat down then leaned back, he slid between her legs as he rested his weight on one elbow. He tenderly stroked her breasts as he memorized every inch of her. "You take my breath away, Mari. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I am so grateful for you."

Her fingers entwined in his hair as he lowered his head and took her taut nipple into his mouth. His fingers found her other breast and he gently pinched at the peaked orb. He felt deeply satisfied as her body shuddered against his. His lips sucked as his tongue flicked across her nipples, and Mari arched her back, her shallow, urgent breathes driving him on. He nipped, she gasped, he bit, she moaned so he continued to lovingly torment her until she cried out his name.

He kissed a path down her stomach; he gently opened her thighs as he feathered tender kisses down one leg and back up the other. His mouth lingered endlessly at the union of her parted legs; he inhaled her sweet, musky scent, and then slowly ran the tip of his tongue over her glistening curls to taste her, his body trembled as he savored her and her essence intoxicated him. He bent his head again and licked her wet folds apart. His tongue swiftly sampled the sweet nectar as he ran his tongue along the length of her sex, Mari whimpered as her she arched her hips to meet his mouth. Anders wrapped his arms around each thigh which allowed him to control her and gave him better access to her moist center. He kissed her lips tenderly at first, slowly allowing his tongue to trace the velvet contours as she writhed beneath the warm embrace of his mastery over her. Mari twisted her fingers into his long blond hair as he delved even deeper, needing to find all the secret places that would make her cry out in sheer bliss. Slowly, his tongue brushed lightly across the tiny swollen pearl, her legs trembled against him, he blew on the taut nub before he tapped it with the tip of his tongue, she moaned out his name as his lips closed over the orb and he slid his fingers deep inside her hot center, she cried out as he sucked and teased her, her legs quaked against him as she pulled at his hair, guiding him where she wanted him, she was completely lost in the throes of ecstasy and she never looked or sounded more beautiful. He heard her breath hitch in her throat, her arched her back, he felt her entire body go ridged as the powerful release rushed through her forcing a loud cry to fall from her lips.

As she relaxed, a satisfied sigh escaped her lips, he kissed his way back up to her mouth, with the taste of her still on his lips, he claimed her mouth once more and she eagerly returned the kiss causing his already painful erection to throb even more. She reached down between them, wrapped her slender fingers around his length and began to tenderly caress him. He felt the barrier that was keeping Justice out slipped slightly; he grasped her hand and moaned into her ear, "Love, that would be more than I could take."

She whimpered and gave a slight pout which was so incredibly sexy, a small groan escaped his lips and he almost gave in, but instead he reached down, positioned himself at her slick center and surged deeply into her. She was so incredibly tight and hot that he would have come right then if he moved, so he waited a moment to get a hold of himself. How many times had he fantasized about being inside her, feeling her heat envelope him? Laying there buried within her, his pulse pumped and throbbed as he felt her constrict her muscles around him, she tightened and loosened, tightened and loosened until he couldn't take it anymore and he slowly, methodically began to thrust into her.

Trying to remain in control, struggling not to let her hot center pull him over the edge before he was ready he began to recite all of the Chant of Light verses he knew…backwards. But as he looked into her beautiful face, saw the ecstasy that ravished her features and he felt her legs wrap around his waist pulling him deeper into her, filling her completely, he knew he is fighting a losing battle. Their breathing became ragged as beads of perspiration clung to their bodies, but he gripped onto the edge of the cliff with everything he had.

She cried out his name in a chorus of pleasure. He couldn't get enough of her, the feel of her wrapped around him, the sweet keening sound she made as she rushed toward the precipice, the way she writhed against him in sheer ecstasy. Over and over again he thrust deep into her and guttural groan tore from his throat as he felt her wet center constricted around him, clamping down on him as she went over the edge and took him with her in the most intense orgasmic rush of his life.

Exhausted, he collapsed against her as he tried to catch his breath. Her cool slender fingers ran up his back to the nape of his neck as she faintly whispered, "I love you, Anders."

A smile had spread across his face as he lovingly kissed the valley between her breasts, "I love you too, Mari."

For the longest time they lay entwined in each other, as they basked in the afterglow of intense and incredible sex. Finally she raised her head to meet his eyes, he saw that there is an unsatisfied hunger that remained there and a sharp twinge coursed between his legs as her lips eagerly descend on his. Her desire for him is so strong that her body trembled against his with it.

As she kissed her way down his body, she marveled at his exquisite body and beauty and he was amazed that this stunning woman would lust after him so voraciously. She worked her body down until her head poised over his once again pulsating member. The feel of her hot breath against him, forced his hips to involuntarily surge forward. Her tongue slowly circled the head of his penis as she tasted him, he moaned as his head fell back from the intense pleasure that her tongue gave him. He knew he needed to stop this, that it would be too much for him to handle, but she slid him slowly into her mouth, taking him in completely until her lips met the base of him and he knew he didn't have the willpower to stop her even if a Hurlock was standing behind her. He was too enraptured by the soft velvety feel of her mouth as she glided up and down on him, he relished watching as he slid in and out of her mouth in a steady, rhythmic pace as her tongue licked, sucked and twirled around his shaft.

"Oh Maker, p-please," he moaned as he desperately tried to hold onto the mental barrier that was keeping Justice out, but the wickedly delightful things that her mouth was doing to him was causing him to rapidly lose control and he heard Justice's voice cry out, "She will be our destruction."

Anders grabbed her head and forced her to stop. She looked at him questioningly, he could only shake his head as he mumbled, "It's too much, Love."

He could see the disappointment in her face and he almost had to laugh at his luck. He finally met the girl of his dreams, someone who obviously enjoyed the giving and taking of oral pleasures and it just so happened to be the one thing that would cause him to lose control. The Maker had a real sense of humor.

He looked in her eyes and saw that she was not going to be easily distracted from satisfying him once again. She moved her legs until she straddled his lap. She paused for a moment as she let the head of his member brush through her wetness, she teasingly rubbed him against her swollen nub, she brought him back to her moist center, she looked deep into his eyes, he saw the unquenched desire that she had for him and a groan was forced from his throat. He grabbed her hips, never losing eye contact, he brought her hips down hard on him until he was buried deep inside her; she arched her back as his hips thrust into her, her muscles clenched around him, her wetness washed over him, she bit her lip to contain the scream that was clamoring to burst forth from the depths of her soul.

Anders had never felt this connected to anyone, never felt so complete, as they were joined as one and their bodies tightly folded into one another he felt like he was home. She was everything to him, everything he had ever wanted or could possibly need and he would spend the rest of his life loving and cherishing this woman. They both blissfully reached their climaxes at the same time as the sound of their ecstasy reverberated around the room and it was her turn crumple against him in exhaustion.

He pulled her to him, as she wrapped her arms around him, soft whispers of love and devotion faded into the darkness of the night as both of them closed their eyes and drifted blissfully into the Fade.

A/N – A very special thank you to the betalicious efforts of Jinx1983, thank you my friend for making me look good. I appreciate your support and friendship. You rock! 


End file.
